Expressing yourself

I still remember when I used to take care of my little sister, who was a few months-old. I was a young man, studying in a military school and I went back home for vacation – taking care of your little sister was not part of my plan…

It was a very interesting time and one of my challenges was to understand what she wanted. Many times, she looked wiser than me – when she tried to sleep as early as 6 pm, so I could have at least a free night. Although she couldn’t speak and her emotions were very raw, her expression was clear enough.

Nowadays, the challenge is different of course, but it has some common elements with this example. As most of the communication a person have happens without seeing other people, via email or WhatsApp, the paradigm of expressing the self is changing very quickly.

Even letting aside the written language and the fact u is replacing you, I am expressing myself through the way I use the words, the way the ideas flow and transform themselves into a message, sent to millions, in many cases.

In fact, what is happening is that subtly, part of a person goes along with his message. Vibrations? Maybe… But that is something to take in account by leaders in the whole world. Two interesting examples of good expression using subtle aspects:

• Jill Bolte Taylor is an American scientist who described her own experience with a brain stroke in the book My stroke of Insight. At a point in her book, she described her mother’s effort in her recovery; after receiving many good wishes cards, her mother posted them in her apartment’s wall, on her way. Although Jill couldn’t see the cards or read them, she could feel the vibration of love coming from it.
• Antanas Mockus is a Colombian expert in pedagogy. Many of us still remember the cards he made up to teach people how to drive in a more conscious way. His new campaign is to help drivers to understand the laws of coexistence, in terms of traffic particularly in intersections. Through images and other tools, he hopes to help drivers to have a better experience, and create a better city.

Check your communication style for the subtle and invisible elements there. Maybe, they are the one that will boost your capacity of expression.

Productivity does not mean to work more...

At times of crisis this formula is common: work more!

However, productivity is not measure by quantity, but by the quality of that quantity. For instance, if work ten hours and are able to produce the equivalent of US$ 1,000, you are still less productive than if you would work 5 hours and you would be able to produce the equivalent of US$ 550.

During a crisis period, it is very difficult to focus on quality: people don’t study more, they don’t take care of their health more and they have worries in their minds all the time. And yet, it is during a crisis period you should study more, take care of your health more than ever and never, I repeat, never worry – because you need all that energy to be used on coming out of that same crisis.

The same rule applies to all phases of change: quality, instead of quantity. It implies a very strict discipline over one’s mind, a clear vision of the future and a deep leadership.

The belief behind it is that by investing in quality, quantity eventually will come, your investment – any resource you apply to it – will pay off and you will be able to reinvest. If you invest in quantity, your investment eventually will wear off.

So, if you are working too much the suggestion is to look for those skills you already have that can give you a better quality in return. Invest any energy you have on those and see how they grow. Eventually, they will give you the quantity you need for less time of effort. 

Happiness lies in deep acceptance

Former prime-minister Cameron, from United Kingdom, thought at some point to take happiness inconsideration as an economical factor. It would be interesting if that wonderful quality jumped from being just something people like to have to that thing people MUST have.

I feel happiness is so deep nobody can really track it efficiently. Why is that?

First reason is the fact people mix different feelings and emotions. What is the difference of happiness and joy? When you are drinking with co-workers, is that happiness? That video on little cats that made you laugh… is that happiness? If your son is very sick and needs your encouragement, what feeling will come to your mind? Happiness? Knowledge of what happiness is would be a first step to consider, in case someone really wants the happiness factor in their community.

Second reason is the fact most people consider happiness as something coming from outside, instead of emerging from inside. People often looks for happiness in a new car, a different spouse or a better remunerated job, and of course they lose it when the car is not new anymore, the different spouse behaves exactly as the former one and this job is so stressing…

But it is the third reason that makes me thinking on how to make people happier. Acceptance: happiness cannot be attained if true acceptance does not happen. Not talking here about resignation or submission, but true and real acceptance, that sensation when the person understands what is going on, with no struggle, but a feeling of something is right about this.

Everything that occurs in life may be a curse or a blessing, and it depends of the person’s perspective. If there is real acceptance, it is possible to use circumstances as leverage for a higher jump.

When acceptance is present in the heart, the individual can start to enjoy happiness despite the situation: if it is bad, it is a lesson that will help him or her in the future; if it is good, it is time to help others to have it too.

Until real acceptance is attained, real happiness will be difficult to be experienced.

The art of getting feedback from others

One of the easy ways to improve your life is to learn from others’ experiences and lessons. For that, you can just watch them and try your best replicating whatever you see, listen or understand. Or, you can let others say what they think.

As children, we learn from our mistakes. A lot: we raise and fall, and we learn we shouldn’t fall; we go and play with a dog that bites us, and we learn we shouldn’t pull its tail, or we arrive late for lunch and mommy gives us cold food, teaching us to arrive punctually. Of course, the love we receive and the unconditional forgiveness for every mistake compensates any bad situation.

As adults however things are not that simple: we often don’t learn from our falls, we keep on pulling another dog’s tail and our punctuality does not improve. It seems adults don’t learn at all, at least not as a child would do. We learn differently and there are many theories about that, but I would like to talk about feedback, which means others telling you what to do.

I consider an art to be able to get feedback from others. When there is an opportunity to improve – in other words, we did badly – what we hear is complaints or accusations; to turn those into a positive experience and help the self to improve is a hard work for the listener rather than the speaker.

It is useful to separate whatever others speak in categories. A typical example is when someone indicates about your lack of punctuality; put aside their anger or the fact they are upset by that. Then, focus on the need of the other person, ask yourself: How can I be more punctual?, and listen to their advice.

Second step is your own reflection on whether you implement that feedback. Maybe you simply can’t; if that is so, just talk and explain that to the other person. If you can, make a plan to turn it into reality. In case you need to talk to the other person, look for an agreement that makes them happy with your own situation.

The third step comes when you yourself ask for feedback, checking if everything is alright after making some experiments.

Feedback is a cyclic process… after the third step, go back to the first and start all over again, which guarantee you will have a very interesting and dynamic life.