Knowing how and when to show GENUINE empathy

If trust is hard to have or generate, empathy is even harder.

What is empathy? You can have access to normal definitions very easily, but I want to tell you my own experience.

I used to feel quite useless when I was younger. My job didn't satisfy me, other relationships didn't make me content and I was adrift. It was then that a friend was able to help me coming out of it. He used a deep and genuine sense of empathy, which is a sincere interest in me as a person. Instead of looking at what I couldn't do, he approached me appreciating my specialties and teaching me what I didn't know.

And empathy is exactly that: acknowledge someone's greatness whilst knowing their emotions and feelings. In other words, appreciating the other for what he or she is, not for what she or he does or has.

As a skill, empathy is very useful when you have to convince or persuade someone, as you know how they feel and you can approach them from that perspective. If you have some point to make or argument to start, empathy will help you to understand the best way to talk about that.

The biggest trap is when you allow yourself to be dragged into someone else's emotions. It is important to understand that by keeping distance; many times you are helping the other. The discernment between talk and get silent, share what the other is feeling or be detached; that is empathy.

The best example is a doctor. Even though she or he is an emphatic doctor - and it is a must, if he or she wants to succeed in his or her career - there won't be tears at the time of a surgery. In fact, would you like to be operated by a crying doctor?

The best way to develop that skill is to be authentically concerned by someone else. Even though that concern is motivated because you are his or her boss, focus on the person, not on the position or situation. Give that attention you would like to deserve if you were in a similar position.

Check the balance constantly in your relationship with others, especially between love and law, laughter and seriousness...

I know it is not that easy to do, but think about the benefits for you: more friends, a better network of people, better productivity. And, of course, don't forget the benefits they will feel by being so close to someone like you.

Empathy will be a great skill for relating to others in a deeper and fulfilling way.