Dealing with situations

As a chief, boss, manager, CEO, father, mother or friend, you are expected to solve situations. That is why you were "hired" or you accepted that position.

For that, you count with some training, even though it was informal. That training probably gave you important tools you use in the day-to-day life: a mother was probably trained by her own mother on how to deal with a teenager who does not want to follow the rules; a CEO will have training on how to save his company, and a boss will sit down with one of her employees to discuss a new project, based on the knowledge she got at university.

But you have probably noticed as situations are getting more and more complex and complicated. Solving a situation is like disentangling a thread... the more you do, it looks even worse.

I am going to explore four basic skills that can help you in dealing different situations that come to you:

• Leadership skills. They will give you the energy and capacity to deal with strong and difficult situations, especially those we normally consider crisis. One focus I will talk about is in relation to give your team what it needs to overcome that crisis.
• Proactive problem solving. Creativity and initiative will help you to deal with situations that are preventing success coming to your organization or team.
• Flexibility. Situations can change at any time, so flexibility, as a skill, can give you an advantage when the change comes.
• Negotiation skills. Many situations come from the human front. Negotiating with others, persuading them from a genuine and win-win point of view can solve problems very easily.

You cannot prevent situations to come, but you can learn how to deal with them, and be successful by doing it.

Knowing how and when to show GENUINE empathy

If trust is hard to have or generate, empathy is even harder.

What is empathy? You can have access to normal definitions very easily, but I want to tell you my own experience.

I used to feel quite useless when I was younger. My job didn't satisfy me, other relationships didn't make me content and I was adrift. It was then that a friend was able to help me coming out of it. He used a deep and genuine sense of empathy, which is a sincere interest in me as a person. Instead of looking at what I couldn't do, he approached me appreciating my specialties and teaching me what I didn't know.

And empathy is exactly that: acknowledge someone's greatness whilst knowing their emotions and feelings. In other words, appreciating the other for what he or she is, not for what she or he does or has.

As a skill, empathy is very useful when you have to convince or persuade someone, as you know how they feel and you can approach them from that perspective. If you have some point to make or argument to start, empathy will help you to understand the best way to talk about that.

The biggest trap is when you allow yourself to be dragged into someone else's emotions. It is important to understand that by keeping distance; many times you are helping the other. The discernment between talk and get silent, share what the other is feeling or be detached; that is empathy.

The best example is a doctor. Even though she or he is an emphatic doctor - and it is a must, if he or she wants to succeed in his or her career - there won't be tears at the time of a surgery. In fact, would you like to be operated by a crying doctor?

The best way to develop that skill is to be authentically concerned by someone else. Even though that concern is motivated because you are his or her boss, focus on the person, not on the position or situation. Give that attention you would like to deserve if you were in a similar position.

Check the balance constantly in your relationship with others, especially between love and law, laughter and seriousness...

I know it is not that easy to do, but think about the benefits for you: more friends, a better network of people, better productivity. And, of course, don't forget the benefits they will feel by being so close to someone like you.

Empathy will be a great skill for relating to others in a deeper and fulfilling way.

The ability to trust others

Visualize a bridge: two ways, very well built, shining under the sun. Cars, bicycles, people, everything cross from one side to the other, which could be from an island to the continent or a land split in two by a river.

There are some fundamental elements for the bridge to exist, and these elements are also present in human bridges.

We create bridges between ourselves and other people, our jobs, the government, neighbors, etc. As islands, we extend our world, learn and teach, we share and experience, we experiment with this relationship with others.

Some bridges are temporary while others are eternal. Some break after a hurricane, others just need a small rain to cease existing.

Trust is a crucial element for that bridge. It is not easy to conquer and it has a huge impact in everything you do. In everything we do: part of the economic crisis is the lack of confidence by investors; wars start when all trust ends; brands grow and have success if people trust them, and even this blog is only read because people trust in what I tell them.

But, let's not talk about generating trust. Instead of that, how to trust others? After all, if you get enrolled into a company, you don't have a choice... Either you trust your co-workers, boss and the company itself, or you will feel you are working in hell.

The same happens when you are born in a family or when you get married and you have to trust your family in-law.

To trust others is also a skill you can develop, which includes a few steps. If you feel you are in an environment where you are having a hard time, perhaps this will help you:

• The trust you have in others is based in whatever trust you have for yourself. Yes, others are mirrors... If you are ugly or you have a bad case of baldness, perhaps you won't like your image, but that does not mean it is false. Whomever you don't trust, check the reasons in your own self. Perhaps there is some lack of clarity for the objective of your job or you don't really believe you can do things better. In this way, by working your self-confidence, naturally you will start to trust others.
• Decrease your expectations, increase your appreciation. Even before getting into any situation, we start to expect something from it and people involved. If you really want to trust others, talk to yourself about it. Instead of expecting, appreciate: see what others can do right, enjoy the learning process and love whatever environment you are, because there is always something wonderful there.
• Build a bridge based on common deep things. Whatever you have in common with others will help you to build that bridge, but go deep into that. Learn to know the people, not only the co-workers... Check this article on that...
• Differentiate likes and dislikes, from values, mission, vision and professional behavior. Most of the time, our lack of trust is based on what others like and we don't like. Not only in terms of work environment, even within a family or circle of friends, go beyond that. It is not uncommon that people with the same goals have different tastes; when we talk about trust, goals are much more important than tastes.
• Values. Sometimes, the lack of trust is due to a shock of values. And sometimes it is not something big; it is like someone likes football (soccer) and another person likes rugby. Other times, it is more serious and it can compromise your personal ethic. Assess your values and others' values, and then check if it is possible to conciliate them. If not, get off there right now!! Learning how to trust others also include learning when you cannot trust others.

In this way, you will improve your relationship with others and also your productivity, life in community and personal welfare.

Patience with others

In the way many people ask others to be patient with them, it sounds as there is a right to be wrong, slow and inefficient. And that is not the case.

The classical example of patience is of a farmer, who sows seeds that will bear fruit many years later. The only way for him to be happy and content is to be patient. Patience is the certainty behind his actions and their fruit, which shall come at their own time.

But patience is not alone: the farmer must water the seeds, prevent plagues, check the land, etc. Until the fruit come, this man or woman will have lots to do!

The same happens to people. When you give information, that is a seed, and it will take some time to bear fruit. If you have given the right seeds, at the right time, no worries: they will learn.

Meanwhile, keep on sustaining these people. Keep them happy and keep them learn. Sometimes push, sometimes flow. They will change, they will learn.

So, you have to take in account the time for the fruit to bear. You have to take in account that people do need some time to assimilate new ideas, or reframed old ideas. Give them that time, and sustain them during this assimilation process. That is patience, a wonderful way to relate to others you need to teach or share something.