How to manage unhealthy relationships

I like to think of a relationship as something that when it is healthy enriches all sides and gives them the feeling of greatness. However, it is not always the case.

Let’s compare with one of the main sources of health, food: we should always be healthy if we eat healthy food, but sometimes we do eat a broccoli (kidding!) here and there, that is, we eat something that can make us feel bad. In the same way, relationships are a means of improvement, but sometimes, we do have a relationship with someone, or maybe just a phase of that relationship, which can make us feel bad.

How can we manage this type of situation? Of course, if what you have eaten was some rotten food, you will have to go to a hospital; toxic relationships also require extreme measures. But what about the flu-type relationship?

The first thing you can do is to reflect on the relationship. Identify what you are getting from it and what the other people are getting from you. Not money or a nice house, neither a beautiful family nor a wonderful career, but those things that touch your heart and head. Those things that change you.

If the reasons of the relationship are strong enough to keep it, find a cure for the illness. A few possibilities often work:

• Dialogue with the people involved in the relationship. Be open and listen carefully, no judgement and lots of assertiveness.
• If it is necessary, get a mediator, someone who can be impartial or who is partial to all sides of the relationship.
• Invite the people in the relationship for something out of the box, perhaps a walk in a park or just eating together. Talk openly and look for a solution, whatever it is.
• Compromise and commit. If the relationship is worthwhile, to let go of a few habits is really nothing compared to what you are going to earn.
• Take a break. A real break; just go somewhere and keep disconnected with the other person. Use that time for a deep reflection and notice their effect in your life. After the break, get together with the other person and share the reflections.

And if you must leave the relationship, just do it… gently. Remember that people are not objects; they would suffer when you cut with them. Be assertive and avoid emotions by focusing on feelings.

Don’t underestimate your own power

When big walls come up in front of you, the only thing you think is a) how to avoid it, b) how to climb it, or c) how to destroy it.

But there are more alternatives to that. Look within and you will find a reservoir of power that has been taking you in this long journey called life.

It is time to use that power to deconstruct the walls, recreating the impact they have on your life, and not avoiding it. Try to face it instead and ask yourself: What newness can I bring on myself to cope with this obstacle?

It is time to use your power to overcome the walls of your life. To climb may be exhausting, but if you are able to fly… Let your mind fly over the obstacle, visualize the end and start developing the qualifications you will need to reach there.

It is time to empower the self and just pass through the wall. If you destroy it, rubbles may prevent you to move forward. So, transform yourself and you will see how much you can go forward.

How does that work? Let’s give 3 examples related to each of the situations:

• I have a very bad sickness and that will change my life to worse. Accept the situation in your heart, talk and promote dialogue with people who can help you and other people with the same sickness. Look at it as an opportunity to try new things in your life and cooperate with others too; that is the most powerful thing you can do, and you really can do it.
• Oh, no, another crisis? In the last one I was working ten hours a day, wonder how many hours I will be working this time… Meditate and recharge the self. Yes, it is a crisis and you can’t just ignore it, but let your mind fly over the situation and see beyond it. By using this technique you will possibly identify some new skills you can develop that will give you an advantage over the crisis, but most important thing is that you will feel empowered.
• I am sure I can destroy this obstacle, I will fight through it and I will defeat this, instead of being defeated. Go and meditate again; more than meditating start a journey of reflection and transformation. Instead of fighting against this wall – which is invisible – connect yourself to that invisible power you have and see how you start to realize better ways of dealing with it. Success comes from empowerment, not fight.

So, I hope this will help you to work with the walls in your life.

Huge changes are happening to you, what to do?

Wow, so much has happened in such a short time!!! But… how has been your response in relation to all those changes?

Maybe fear? I am sure not! But it is always possible you were afraid, let’s say, a bit afraid… After all, a crisis or chaos tends to take off many things and people we care.
 Perhaps you tried to evade or even escape the change? I am sure you would be partially successful for some time. You see, when a change starts, the more resistance it finds, the more it grows, and try to flee is a certain type of resistance.
 It is also possible you rebelled and didn’t want to obey all the directions coming from many sectors of the government and actors trying to deal with the crisis. Or you even went on protesting against them! And yet, the crisis is even bigger now.
 Or you sat down and you reflected upon what was going on. You saw the change through very different glasses, without judgement and a deep positive acceptance.
 It is possible you are already doing something to change whatever is going on around you. Not to fight, as you understand the laws of change and resistance, but you are generating a change yourself.

It is quite conceivable you did a bit of each of the former possibilities, so check the immediate results and visualize the long-term outcome. And change whatever you must change to get the maximum success. Good luck in this wonderful journey!

There is no self-care without the self

We take care of our body a lot in terms of health or esthetics, but how much do we take care of the soul within the body?

That is an approach we all have to reflect upon, particularly when there is the fear of death or some spiritual struggle.

Another approach is to take care of the awareness of being; to be soul conscious means more than a religious or spiritual phrase: it means to be connected with who I really am.

By being merged into the intense daily routine, a ferocious career, a health crisis or very unhealthy relationships, it is easy to just disconnect with that being and just react to whatever is happening around.

The problem is one day you will be living through a sweet easy routine, your career will be over, your health will be fine again and you will be ok with your relationships; but if you don’t take care, you will be something else, different than what you really are.

And that duality is not good for the soul’s health…

So, the best way of caring about the true self is:

• Follow your religious tradition. Time may be an issue, so find some time you can spare to take care of your own self.
• Meditate or contemplate. Get in connection with your true self.
• Reflect deeply. Don’t let things just pass; talk or write about them, or just sit down and think of what is going on.
• Change your lifestyle, so that it is aligned to who you really are.
• Look for a change of perspective by talking with different people or by reflecting in different ways.

This is part of a series of posts on self-care.

PS: If you are interested in meditation, I would like to recommend you to brahmakumaris.org; that’s where I meditate.

My mind: a sacred space

Your mind may be a runaway horse, aimlessly running from scene to scene of your life.

Your mind can be like a spoilt little child: crying and looking for attention.

Your mind could be just like a flying kite, being controlled by the winds of situations.

But if you take care of your mind very well, then your mind could be a cool lake from where beautiful positive thoughts would emerge… A very wise person who always has a great advice… Maybe a surf board: with skill and talent you are able to take the best advantage of any wave that happens in your life.

And those beautiful positive thoughts will show you the way; they will help you in your decision and success will be very close to you.

And that advice will open many doors, turning a crisis into unlimited opportunities.

And that wave will be a lever for your own growth.

This is what it means to take care of your mind: to understand its value and to change its form into something powerful.

This is part of a series of posts on self-care.