To express yourself in an emotional level

It shouldn’t be difficult as we are essentially emotional creatures, but the reality is that when we have to communicate, the emotional level or ingredient is often a big challenge.

There are several reasons you could find for that, such as the complexity of human emotions or the fact they are hugely controlled by the social environment.

Even though it is not fully confirmed, when you don’t express them, your emotions accumulate until one day, you explode, so your anger towards your boss makes you lose your job when at last you tell him or her what you are really thinking. Another option is that you will live your life bitter, always thinking of the many possibilities of expression…

But if you express yourself improperly, then that emotion won’t have the effect was intended. For instance, if your anger with your boss is expressed with your life partner, well, your boss won’t know about it, so no changes will happen and emotions will keep on accumulating, besides your partner will resent the treatment.

However, if you take some time off. If you just relax a bit, and reflect another bit… Maybe you can calm your mind in a way, so that your emotions get clearer and, because you are very calm, you may find the right moment and the right way to express them. You may find a way to sit down and have a real conversation with your boss, expressing your emotions in a way that sounds constructive and inviting a change in your relationship.

So, make a list of those emotions you haven’t been able to express, just relax and reflect, and you will find a way of doing it.

An anchor that may ease the weight of the clock

It is impossible to really understand the pressure of time in the present society we live, as it is very different than before.

How was it before like? In fact, many of us forgot the fact there was a clear routine separating job and home, and that is an essential ingredient of a good time management: getting ready, leaving for work, working – eventually, talking with friends or relatives – leaving the workplace, arriving at home, doing more things there and going to sleep – sometimes, working a bit…

Nowadays: before going to work, a person is often responding emails or messages (several sources just as WhatsApp, SMS or Telegram). In fact, there is not a clear line division between work and life outside work.

Besides deadlines and terms been much clearer then, two important principles of time management are to have a free time period slotted into your schedule and what we could call an anchor, which is something that will happen no matter what, like dinner with the family.

These principles had many uses, one of them was to relieve some pressure of time as the person knew he would have  to work hard for a certain amount, but later, there will be free time; or at such a such an hour, they will have to be somewhere else.

Nowadays, with a fluid sense of time, things get very confusing and much discipline is necessary along with self-control to keep the anchors, the almost legendary dinner with the family which, when it would happen, will be accompanied by lots of cell phone checking and talks related to work.

This means time is the same as before, but pressure is bigger on everyone’s mind. The clock seems to be heavier now and years look shorter. Soon, retirement is coming…

What to do? Going backwards or revert a trend is a difficult, but to re-establish those two principles is not as complicated as it sounds. Maybe an easy way is to merge both principles…

1. Just check what you will do as free time or time for the self – to run, reading a book or meditating. Be a dreamer, but balance that with the reality of your resources and interest.
2. Now, think of when you are going to do it. Be neither too ambitious in terms of time, nor too shy.
3. Lastly, convert those into important anchors in your weekly or monthly schedule. Be as accurate as possible (day, time), but keep your schedule flexible, don’t schedule it too tightly.

Ah, don’t forget to organize yourself for that:

• De-clutter your schedule of other things and not only for that time – try it for the whole afternoon and evening…
• Tell others about it. If you are shy about what you are going to do or you don’t want others to join you in that, just tell them you will be busy during that time.
• It is good to plan things drop by drop… Keep balance.

Always remember that to manage time is not only a way to be more productive, but also to enjoy more personal time.

Shifting from having to being

In 1976, an interesting book[1] by psychologist Erich Fromm touched the subject, trying to stimulate readers to understand the consequences of focusing on having instead of being.

The surge and growth of materialism has stimulated intense rebellions and a new way of seeing the world. Not new in the sense that never has happened before; it is new in terms of occurrence as nowadays people are questioning what they are doing and why they are doing it.

And the consequences are clear when we see or hear about climate change or the effects of greed in humanity.

But the desire of having makes us keep on increasing and accumulating possessions. What is the solution? More protests? More laws?

Maybe, reflecting and refocusing could be a shift point in our civilization. For instance, instead of valuing people who attained things like big cars or jewelry, let's value people who ARE.

We could start from ourselves and value more the experience of being well, happy and peaceful, instead of valuing having the last cell phone in the market.

We could start by being an example to others and inspiring them to focus their energy in being instead of just having.

Then, one day we will be able to give more importance to what we really are…

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[1] To have or to be? 1976, by Harper and Row.