Managing this new reality

How do we manage reality? Besides the physiological side ( the way the brain deals with things), a friend of mine once expressed his point of view and it was very interesting: think as if you have a copy of the external things in your mind and when you relate to them, you are doing it with that copy, not with the reality.

Therefore the problems we experience in terms of dealing with situations come from the difference between the real and the copy. An example:

A friend of mine wanted a bike to go to work; eventually he got it, but the real one didn’t work as he was living about 15 Km far plus the traffic… the end of that dream was an accident he suffered.

The bike to go to work was a copy and the 15 Km far plus the traffic was the reality that crushed his dreams.

Now, what happens when there is a new reality? Particularly when the reality is totally new, we come with a similar copy in our minds, an approximate reference, and we relate to it. It comes from (ours and others’) opinions, ideas and past experiences, beliefs and values, personality, will and a personal call. But it is very different from the reality itself, probably much more different than the example before…

Let’s imagine there is a big sale of bicycles in a huge store. Immediately, a person sees themselves already mounting a very modern shine bike. They go to the shop and there is a huge queue in front and when eventually they reach the place where to get the bicycle, the only thing remaining is not modern, not at all shining…

Another way is to not let yourself be convinced by the copy you carry in your mind. Instead you challenge your perception and you are able to align the copy with the real thing.

Instead of let yourself being fooled by the sale of bicycles, you research more and you are able to find the perfect bike – as perfect as possible – at some shop. You are aware it is not exactly what you wanted, but the price is good and for now, that will be it.

It is not as easy as it sounds, since it means you have to challenge opinions, ideas, past experiences, beliefs, values, personality, your will and call… But you can do it.

Particularly with the new reality we are all living, the best thing is to stop for a moment and align the inner copy with the reality. A few powerful questions may help you:

• Why am I feeling like this? What is the real cause?
• If I don’t like something, what is it possible to get that comes closer to what I like? What should I do to make it happen?
• When it is impossible to live with the reality, what can I do to cope with it? If I can’t cope, what is the alternative I can live, so that I don’t suffer?

 

By having this this couple by your side, your change will be successful

When life is moving along according to plans, you just need to dance… Life is often a performance and of course, we would enjoy it greatly.

But, many times the rhythm changes and the music you don’t love starts to play… Fights... Arguments… Betrayals… Losing a job… Broccoli…

And yet, you can’t stop dancing as life doesn’t end with one song. You have to keep on dancing…

For that, the best is to count with a wonderful couple who will be along with you, partners in this dynamic dance.

On one hand hold on to patience and let your life feels like a living experience of bliss.

On the other hand, hold on to perseverance and never stop trying…

When you are dancing forever, obstacles come: sometimes you may get disheartened and other times, others get disheartened in relation to you. Patience gives you certainty that if you have been sowing the right seeds, at some point good crops will come up. In this way, patience motivates you to not give up.

However, many times the outcome of your acts will take too long to emerge; perseverance enables you to not give up and keep on trying. But being perseverant is much more than being stubborn – real perseverance will make you check the self and understand what is going on as many (most of the) times it is because of you that things are not taking place as they should.

And that is the formula for success, especially when you are promoting a change: be patient and perseverant.

 

This post is part of a series for a better year, and this is the end, so I wish you good luck with this wonderful year!

The art of trusting the self

Do you really want to change things? Really?

You do know you can’t, right? Remember when you tried that summer? It didn’t work! You can’t change things, they are what they are!!!

 

This is an inner dialogue performed inside our mind so many times that for many of us, self-confidence in relation to promote changes is very slippery.

And yet, if you really want to have a wonderful year – you do want that, right? – self-confidence is the most important thing to develop, probably before anything else and there is a particular reason for it.

Self-confidence enables you to trust your decisions and to perform well even when your actions are against odds. Particularly when you are in a change process generated by yourself, it is very easy to fall back to the comfort zone or to copy other people, and either of these options may make your change process fails.

 

So, let’s talk about how to overcome the wonderful temptation of our comfort zone…

It is really not that comfortable, but it gives a false sense of security and stability since even bad things are known and you learn how to bear. Breaking out the comfort zone means to go out in the wild and maybe it will not be a pleasant experience; but it could be wonderful.

The trick to overcome the attraction is to increase the personal capacity; in this way, you feel confidence you can go out there and be successful. Think: what could you be doing differently if you really believe in yourself?

This post is part of a series for a better year. Good luck!

 

A basic instinct whilst changing is to try and copy other people who have gone through a similar process and there is nothing wrong about it, after all if somebody was able to make things work, why can’t you just go and replicate their development?

This brings me a memory from my school: two guys tried to get top marks by copying every movement of the most intelligent guy there, including going to sleep early… I guess I don’t need to tell you their experiment failed miserably.

You cannot really copy others, because you are very different, but you can take ideas, be inspired and motivated by someone else’s success, you can even duplicate their effort. Remember that you are what you are, however you can adapt their success into your life.

In this case, the best thing is to talk with those people or to try and see what works with you, discarding whatever is not working and improving whatever you can improve.

 

You are the leader of yourself, who is generating a change that will impact many others. Good luck!

This post is part of a series for a better year...

To letting go and to let it flow

What is life? A swimming pool or the ocean?

Several years ago I heard that comparison; the person who used it told a group of us how he was an excellent swimmer… in a pool.

As he comes from a surfing country, he thought it would be very, very easy for him to surfing, but when he was out there, he realized he was doing everything different than the rest of guys and his experience was not nice. After all, the ocean is not a swimming pool.

And the main difference is the sense of control that is present in the pool and absent in the sea.

Many decades later, I remember that example to help me understand what is going on in the world right now…

 

I am in the middle of sea, after being in a swimming pool for quite a while. I have lost my sense of control and I feel I am at the mercy of the big and omnipotent ocean called life.

But then, I become a surfer… Instead of trying to control the sea, I use strategy, intuition and wisdom to find a way to flow with the waves.

However, I must go to the beginning and need to let go of the shore. In the case of a swimming pool, the shore is just there, at hand; but in the sea, it is far away. I let go of my past and present, things I like and dislike, hopes and expectations. I just let go.

I let go of my support, my comfort, maybe my personality or my way of thinking and behaving.

I let go and I flow, feeling the wonder of being a master of my own life, a leader of the self.

 

By letting go, I may flow, and this way I turn this year into a wonderful adventure.

 

This post is part of a series for a better year. Good luck!

Step 1…

We are just starting to live a new year, so this is a time for a transition.

That means you are probably so busy celebrating (with mask and all) that you are not thinking much about the remaining 362 days or so, and yet this is the right time to start thinking of it.

Consider these first days as the first step to have a MUCH BETTER year and here are three suggestions, which are stages of this first step:

• To let go – the first part of this step is to let go not only the bad things, but even the good things. You need space to generate a new experience, and to start from a blank mental whiteboard is the best option.
• Trust yourself – this is the part in which you design the New Year and you have a style that is completely different than mine, your spouse’s, children’s, neighbors’, mother-in-law’s and anybody… Let your ideas flow by brainstorming, using creative methods like journaling or just sitting down and reflecting. The basis of this stage is to trust your inner voice and maybe you want to use this powerful question: What are the ways to be successful this year?
• Perseverance & patience – you will need this couple of virtues this year. On one hand, perseverance will help you to put all those beautiful ideas into reality. On the other hand, patience will help you to trust yourself and wait…

 

In the next posts, I will get into each of these stages, but you probably would like to start something. Good luck!

Farewell!

And the year is gone… almost… time to say goodbye…

To those people we are not going to see anymore. We say goodbye by remembering their legacy and keeping the good memories.

To those people who changed so much… We say goodbye to their old ways by embracing and accepting their new form of being.

To those objects and places, things and circumstances that won’t be part of our lives anymore. We say goodbye by showing gratitude for every experience.

To the old normality… We say goodbye to so many ways we used to have to relate to each other, work, commute and many other big and little things we used to live, by being open to the new normality and adapt as much as possible.

To the old self, as we have changed so much! We say goodbye to the skills we are not going to use again, the habits we can’t use anymore and so many other factors that used to define the "I", by making effort and invest time in the new self that is just being born.

Farewell old year, people, things and normality! Farewell old self!

A tale with a mask

He arrived at his office – no holydays this year, what a shame!

It was still early and exactly as he wanted; without wasting time, he went on distributing his package – a brown pack like the one you get on a bakery contained a series of objects he started to put on his co-workers’ desks.

When they arrived, that was the first thing they saw: a shining brilliant mask, a black and white mask, a yellow, green or blue mask. Masks were everywhere!

Nobody was happy with having to work so close to Christmas; the only good thing was the absence of clients (the company would be so good without those people!).

Without thinking, any order or even a suggestion, everybody started to wear masks and related to each other behind them.

When the boss arrived – another victim of his company’s policy of working on Christmas’ eve – he also had a mask over his desk; after a minute or two of vacillation, he decided to wear it too. For that, people went crazy!

They were producing and working whatever they have to do one day before a wonderful holiday, but the mask had an unexpected effect… You see, John and Mary were not talking for more than a month, and now they found them drinking coffee together.

Peter and Paul on the other hand used to be as close as friends; with the masks on they were avoiding each other; and so on, many people displayed very strange behavior and around midday, when their shift would be over and they could go home, there was a strange tension in the air.

Just before everybody left – and everyone was kind of I want to escape from here – Andrew, a very quiet guy, step forward and asked for attention.

“Hi everyone! I hoped you enjoyed the masks… I brought to you as my Christmas gift, but also, I wanted to see what happened when you are wearing it. I am sure you realized much of the dynamic among us changed. So, let me just suggest one simple thing: take the mask off, everyone at the same time, 3, 2, 1…”

Slowly, each one took off the mask and started to look around. There was a wave of realization in relation to the real person behind the mask… and gradually a smile emerged in each face. And laughter started to sound.

After a while, Andrew took over to speak again.

“I would like you to think of this small experiment when you go back today to your family, friends or wherever you go, because many times we are wearing this invisible mask that covers our real feelings and intentions. We want to express them, but the mask does not allow it. And I would like to suggest you to remove your invisible mask” – and he did a funny gesture, as if he was still wearing a mask – “and look into the eyes of each person you see around you, at your home and other places. Look inside and see the real person there.”

He stopped a bit, he looked embarrassed, but nobody said anything, some people even have tears in their eyes.

“A wonderful Merry Christmas to each one!”