Privacy at very public times

One thing I notice is that most people I know knows where I am. By the way, I know where most people I know are right now…

It seems that the time for total surveillance – and we could say matrix surveillance since everyone can check on everybody else – is here, for a few years now. So, what about privacy?

In fact, the feeling of privacy is needed to build a strong sense of self-esteem. Without privacy, it is hard to understand a person’s role in the society and, as a result, to love and appreciate the self, the very basis of self-esteem. Without self-esteem… well, we may have a society, but people won’t thrive for success, they won’t try their best and they will normally drift away.

However, in certain human civilizations, that is not so true. The example of Ubuntu in Africa comes to mind and it implies that self-esteem may also be built on the basis of a strong bond with each other, where everyone’s welfare means a person’s welfare.

Maybe the lack of privacy is pushing the rest of civilization to rethink itself; Ubuntu and other cultural practices and systems can provide a model for a new era where privacy wouldn’t be an issue due to its absence.

Patience, an underrated key for success

Very few stories show how patience is important in reaching aims.

In Chris Gardner’s story, shown in the movie The Pursuitof Happyness, however, patience is shown as a very strong quality that pushed the man onto his limits, until he was able to break it and come out of a very tough situation.

Maybe people think of patience as a person who waits in a queue, with no hurry and no ambitions in life, instead of a very troubled man who did not even have a proper place to live whilst struggling to take care of his son.

But that is patience: a quality or virtue that allows us to wait for results, giving us the needed energy to live, or survive, until they come. And for a patient person, one day those results come…

So, check your patience as your ability of having a goal, investing in that goal and waiting to reach for it.

Asking for help, a way to make others grow

An interesting feature I have seen in many leaders is the fact they ask for help whenever is needed. On the contrary, many people I have met whom I thought were leaders, judged themselves very independent and capable, and so they seldom asked for help; years later, my perception about their leadership changed considerably and I have been able to see them as good managers, far from real leadership.

Many reasons could be given for that, but a very simple one is the fact that by asking help, leaders are training others. This natural training is part of a long term education and it becomes fundamental in the other person’s growth and their own leadership, as a natural consequence of being led by a leader is that a person may be a leader one day.

In other words, whenever a person asks for help from others, they are giving them the opportunity to improve themselves and enhance their skills. It is also a way of checking how much of the leader’s influence has impacted that individual.

So, what is the difference between being dependent and give others a chance to grow? It is basically from the attitude of taking from others whatever they have, different than enabling others to work better.

Beyond praise: motivation without carrots or sticks

An old paradigm to handle people is the famous (or infamous) carrot or stick: the other does good, a reward comes; if he or she does it badly, then the stick beats them.

Well, you cannot say it did not work, as it lasted for a very long time and it is still present at many companies even today. Not far ago, Ken Blanchard has launched a book called Whale Done!, humans are compared with, well, you can guess – Whales! More specifically, killer whales.

However, most people are a little more difficult to be handled, or manipulated, than whales and there are various reasons for that:

• As humans, we are a very complex species. Sometimes carrots work, others don’t, because what really stimulates us to do something is normally beneath many other supposed reasons.
• So, praise has different effect in different people. For instance, it may help someone to perform better next time, but it is just a temporary incentive. Besides, the next time praise comes, it has to be stronger than its former version to make someone perform better.
• At some situations, praise does not work. If you are very good at what you do in terms of skill or dedication and someone praises you for something you already know you do well, so the effect is small as it is just an acknowledgment or credit, which should be given ALWAYS no matter what.
• For some people who are extremely good, they are not expecting praise, but they prefer to receive realistic feedback, quite often negative and so called stick; in this way, they can improve and reach excellence. In these cases, sticks are carrots.

Better, if someone does something exceptional, a big clap, flowers, chocolates or a nice meeting works very well. Also, people are much more informed nowadays and they don’t need praise as they used to, because they know what they are doing and its quality. Of course, as a rule, we should always acknowledge and give credit.

Based on this, what do people like you and me really need, in terms of motivation from our own managers or leaders?

• A leader should always be attentive to other people’s development, helping them to improve their skills. One-to-one meetings or powerful messages do the work very well.
• If someone is performing well, but the manager or leader feels this person is stuck into a particular level, training may be the solution. If the person is in a management position, a coach is needed to help clarifying their needs and the solutions.
• Space. Have you ever been to Google’s office? They give people space so they can create, make lots of mistakes and come with wonderful ideas.
• Failure isgood. For long and middle term, the fact the other has failed means they have tried. If the failure is big, that only means they tried A LOT. It is time for some guidance, a nice talk and let the other reach success, a place you can’t go without having failed a few times.
• Time. A person is as productive as his mind is free. Sometimes, the individual needs a time off, a moment to recover or get his ideas together.