Delegate or empower? That is the question…

If you are a boss, manager or have another position of authority (like a parent), let’s admit to ourselves at least: bosses are overwhelmed, stressed and under too much tension. It does not matter the culture of the organization or how things are working (good, bad), tension is taking over everyone. There are too many things to do. Period. So, it does not matter how many seminars or courses you attend, it will never be enough.

However, there are ways to diminish the burden; one of them is to sharing it with others. From the manager’s point of view, there are two easy methodologies that help him or her with it.

Before talking about them, the manager first of all has to understand her or his own team – strengths, weaknesses and their bond as team. Second, he or she needs to have a clear idea of the culture of the organization, and that is very important for this sharing to succeed. Last but not least, the task or project has to be clear for that person.

One technique, tool or methodology is delegation. OK, don’t jump out your seat yet!!! I know, it is as old as the Bible, but the idea is a bit more complex than what is roaming around in the management market, which explains why there is fear from either of the sides to take over on this subject.

When a manager delegates a task or project, or a piece of it to a person or team, she or he is aware of their limitations. To delegate means someone else will act on the manager’s behalf, so the manager is traditionally consider being responsible, but they need to have enough margins for maneuvering particularly when negotiation is necessary, and most of the times, negotiation is necessary.

In other words, it is not because a boss does not like to check on the prices of paper in the market, then he assigns the duty to another person. Neither it is a question of, at the time of choosing whom, the first person coming into the manager’s office will receive a particular job. Both situations are quite common and that is one of the reasons of fear of delegating.

The solution comes from a deep reflection and these questions may help:

• How much do I know the task in hand, its requirements and consequences?
• Knowing the project, who are the people who can be the best option to fulfill with the terms of that project?
• How much do I trust these people and what is the type of bond we have?
• In which extent the rest of the organization will support this team, even though I am behind them?

If what we are talking on delegation looks a little different than many people do around the world, what about empowerment?

In fact the basic premise for that is wrong: everyone has power and nobody can really give power to another person. Empowerment is more a question of helping others to identify their own capacity and potential, allowing them to handle a broad range of situations that go beyond their normal functions.

This time the main difference is the responsibility remains with the team or person in charge and that is a bigger burden for them, but it frees the boss, who will have a role closer to an overseer or a facilitator.

There is a deep reflection needed, and you can use these questions for that:

• I know the task in hand, its requirements and consequences, how is the best way to proceed with that?
• Who are the people who can take care of that project as if it is their own?
• How deep do I know these people and what is the way to increase our bond or relationship?
• In which extent the rest of the organization will support this team and how can I help with that?

Be careful with two deadly sins when you are using empowerment. First, you are a manager, not Pontius Pilates, no washing hands here; even though they are responsible, you still keep some type of responsibility and you will need tools for managing that – like meetings or small reports to check their development.

Second, be aware of signs you have chosen the wrong people or you have chosen people wrongly... Maybe you can train them, maybe not, and it is important to be able to accept your error – not theirs – and move on with the task in hands.

Remember that by doing this you will be relieved of a big part of your tension, which will increase your sense of wellness and it will increase your personal productivity.

Self-confidence; that's it!

There is a basic principle: you cannot experience something you never experienced. It helps in understanding dreams, for instance, but it can be used to grasp the meaning of goals and objectives.

You cannot wish to be something you cannot be. If you are having a difficult goal in mind or starting to pursue an objective that looks like it is impossible to reach, there is possibly a part of you that knows you can reach that aim.

What is missing? You have a goal and because of that, you do have the qualifications to reach for it.

Well, in fact it is not that easy. For you to fulfill an objective in your life is a process, sometimes very long, as you are coming out of the present stage and you want be something very different than that.

So, there will be many obstacles to win over within and, at least for me, the main one is to believe in oneself. I CAN DO IT! It is a simple phrase, but very powerful indeed.

Developing self-confidence should start at a very early age, but you can do a lot much later. Self-confidence helps you to understand your full potential and also your limitations, which is very useful when you look for job or try to improve your relationship with someone else.

But how do you do it? When you are a child, self-confidence comes from different stimuli received from parents and other family members, your friends and colleagues at school, your teachers and even your vicar, if that is the case. In other words, our self-confidence comes from outside to inside.

When you are older, that approach does not work properly, since you are not so innocent anymore and praises will be filtered, you won’t trust all of them or even though you would, maybe you wouldn’t see that compliment reflected in your own life. If you ever try to help someone pointing to their strengths, you will understand me…

But you can do something you were not able when you were a child: reflection. This means you can go inside yourself and find solutions, talents and qualities you need, and apply them to your present situation.

Therefore, self-confidence for an adult comes from an inner journey, by acknowledging strong points and by understanding your own weaknesses. That will change your perception about yourself and the possibilities of improvement will increase.

And after it, it is time to relish your goals coming into reality…

How to deal with people who are very difficult?

Yes, that guy who pushes your button… It is that lady who is always creating problems for you… Your kids who can’t obey any orientation, or your partner who avoid talking about deeper subjects.

World is full of difficult people around you, after all, you are a very easy guy or gal, right?

In the past, we humans used to live in tribes, so we would be surrounded by similar people, following similar instructions and beliefs. Nowadays, as world population is 80% in the cities, this is not happening anymore and so it becomes an interesting challenge.

With the rise of social network, ironically people are becoming less and less social, at least in presence, being able to filter people and to be with those they want. Are we recreating our old tribes?

But for those people who are very difficult and you have to deal with, here are a few tips.

• Develop empathy. Reflect on the other’s life and understand their point of view.
• Cultivate respect and regard. In your heart, start to respect more and more people regardless of what they are.
• Find common grounds. When a problem comes, go to the common ground, subjects you and others agree and love.
• Don’t avoid conflict. Learn how to deal with it in a positive way, with both sides winning.
• If you know their weak spot, avoid it. It is part of the respect towards another person…
• If they know your weak spot, strengthen it. Do a course or go to a coach and fix that as much as possible.
• Create excuses to be with them. That will prevent you to look for refuge in the bat cave.
• Maybe you are the difficult one… If you are too surrounded by difficult people, that is a strong possibility. Reflect and find a friend whom you trust, and ask him or her about it.

This will make your work more productive and your social life much more enjoyable!

Quality in your communication helps increase quality in your relationship

Many years ago, a good friend used to say in his lectures that communication is relationship. Of course, it is not that simple as relationship also implies presence and shared values among other things, but communication is a key factor to measure the quality of a relationship.

If you buy something of bad quality, it may work for a while, but it will be unsteady and it is probable it will finish before the expected time. Same happens with relationships: sometimes it is so bad you would wish you would never have even started with it.

Communication has mainly four roles in a relationship. By developing these roles, you ensure your relationship’s quality will be good, lasting long or being very stable during the particular time.

• Any relationship has a stage of mutual acknowledgment. It is during that time you will know who the other really is – his or her tastes, mood, dreams, imperfections, virtues and values. This can only happen by talking with each other, clarifying situations and working on changes, agreements and compromises. The quality of that exchange increases according to the presence of honesty, clarity, enthusiasm, joy and love in all interactions.
• When the relationship goes beyond the acknowledgment stage, all people involved feel free to express themselves, even when that expression may be blunt. It is a very trick stage and most relationships don’t survive, but it is needed as it builds a foundation for a long-term relationship. In other words, if you couldn’t bear to hear from a friend that you are not a good lawyer and you stop being a friend to the other person, you probably did not want a long-term relationship in the first place. You can increase the quality of expression, as the person who express and the person who receives it, with values as mercy, unconditional love, honesty and a virtue as sweetness.
• At some point, everyone will share something with another person. In fact, the main pleasure is in the sharing, not much what you share or receive. Part of that sharing is related to communicate to another person something, and you may consider sharing as a proof the relationship is working… By increasing the quality of communication, you strengthen your relation, so it is good to increase the value of whatever you are sharing, be full of respect for the others’ point of view and be open for the possibility of refusal, trying again and again.
• The last role communication has is related to the building stage. That is the point when a relationship is mature and it is bearing fruit. It is the time of leaving a legacy and setting an example. Communication in this case is soft and powerful, it is clear and full of understanding. We know each other A LOT, and we know how to deal with several situations. By adding courage and encouragement, your relationship may give you much more satisfaction.

Again, communication is not the only element to have a good relationship, but it is a crucial factor for its quality.