Independent? That's so out of fashion...

A great part of our civilization journey has been a big struggle towards independence. As humans, we have had a bad habit of enslaving and conquering others, imposing our religions, languages and customs into other people, who would then, one day, be independent again.

Something changed with the 20th Century. Somehow, the conquest became more subtle, not that obvious... And the struggle for independence turned to be a move to leave a "conqueror" and just fall into another's hands.

Just analyze, with clinical detached eyes: there is no independence possible nowadays. At least in one way or another, we are all dependent on something or someone. You are a dependent person, just like me.

Maybe you think you are an independent professional doing your work and earning your own money, but you are highly dependent on how the economy works and that puts you into a very vulnerable position. Or you have chosen to leave your parent's house and now you feel all independent... just to realize you follow their paths, you repeat their own way of being and so, your dependency did not finish, as you would expect.

The reality of our world, so much connected, is that you cannot really expect to be independent. What to do then?

First of all, let's think why people - you and me, among others - want to be independent. Without getting into philosophy, there are two basic reasons for that:

• Independence comes as one of the main results of freedom, and freedom is something the human spirit understands and wills to experience.
• After a long time being dependent on others, due to our process of growing up, there is the desire to express feelings, emotions and thoughts that we couldn't while being under other people.

If real and total independence is not possible, this would explain the sensation many people have of persecution or lack of freedom without a real basis. It also explains the lack of self-confidence in the general population. So, what to do?

There is a different stage for the human spirit and personality, besides dependency and independency. We can call it interdependence or autonomy and it happens in the level of the mind and sensations, more than in the physical.

Awareness is important. Viktor Frankl has shown that even in the worse of situations, your mind can be free and independent of what is happening around. His book, Man's Search for Meaning give us the clue for that: Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

That means if I am a free man or woman, but in my mind I am still depending on what other people think, I have less freedom and independence than a person who looks like he is submitted to another individual, but his mind is free and his thinking is clear.

Do you want to experience freedom and independence?

• Check your own mind and line of thoughts.
• Check how much you are able to think of situations by being aware of your own self, making decisions based on what you are, rather than the position you occupy in the present society.

The communication power: thoughts, attitudes and vibration

One part of our communication not only does not happen in words, it is completely invisible. And yet...

Is it possible you don't feel the "vibe" coming from your boss when you enter the office - much before he starts to speak or stands, so you can see his body language? I am sure you do...

One event comes to my mind. I have received an email which was really not nice for me. I started to respond in an aggressive way. After preparing the email, I was able to reflect and I have changed it into a softer version, keeping the assertiveness in it. However, I was surprised when I received that person's response... She was in reality responding to THE AGRESSIVE EMAIL, not the assertive one, even mentioning something I have deleted and she couldn't imagine... Any guess? Yes, she felt my vibrations.

Well, vibrations do not interfere with the tangible world, at least that is what most people think, but the reality is this is a fundamental and crucial part of your own communication. So, before any speech, writing any email or get into any conversation, try to:

• Reflect on your own thoughts. Check yourself for aggressiveness, hate, jealousy or any negative feeling for that person or those people, and make your best to change it into something positive.
• If you can't change your thoughts... Try to not communicate right now, reflect a little more. If you can't, then honesty is possibly the best policy and you can start your communication on the reasons you are upset.
• After changing your thoughts, check your own attitude. Do you want to help or criticize? Are you concerned about others or just upset with what they have done? Change your attitude if you feel it is negative. Otherwise, look for a better moment for communication...
• Vibrations... They are the result of the former points. Remember they will remember how they felt in your presence or the energy they have received when you sent them an email. Meditate before, even though it is just a minute, and that will help your own vibrations enormously.

Remember that even though this is intangible, people will feel it and that will taint anything you tell them.

The communication power: your smile and features

As a frequent customer for airlines, one thing I notice is how less and less my providers smile. And when they do, it is really not convincing...

I did not research or check statistics. It is more a feeling than anything. At some airlines, their employees are visibly tired and unhappy; others they seem to be upset you are travelling with them so they cannot have a nice time as they have to attend you.

Part of the power of communication comes from your features and a smile, a very genuine and sincere smile, is a fundamental part. Well, you cannot buy smiles nor do a Joker, but you can always learn how to smile more and more...

Smile comes from a deep sense of satisfaction. So, the easiest trick for an easy smile is that: be satisfied. Satisfaction comes from four sources:

• The self. First of all, you need to be happy with yourself, your efforts, your capacity and energy. Satisfaction is not a static thing; it does not mean that you don't improve because you are so satisfied with whatever you are. It means you are happy with your own self and from that happiness, you will pursue your own growth or transformation.
• Others (close). As everyone influences everyone, when others are satisfied with you and you are with them, the exchange of energy is wonderful. You will feel your life is a huge continuous party! The close ones, friends and close relatives, are the main people that influences in your own sense of satisfaction. If someone is not satisfied with you or you are not satisfied with them, it is time for reflection and to make a decision about it.
• Others (far, far away). There are other people you are not that close, or maybe you have been close in the past. Still, our sense of satisfaction relies on the feeling of being satisfied and if your airline pilot is not doing that or your local baker, then it is time to check on what to do about it. A part of the stress experienced in big cities comes from the interaction between people who are basically strangers.
• God or a Supreme Source of energy. Yes, God is present in our smiles too... Our relationship and its level with this Supreme Force will interfere in our personal sense of satisfaction. If you don't believe in God, it is still possible you believe in something; that point you believe, God or something else, means a lot for you and the way you feel satisfied with His or Her role in your life will help you to shape that smile in your face.

By increasing your sense of satisfaction, your smile will be easy and your features will be influenced by that, which will change the way you communicate. A smile express trust and confidence, joy and calm, so when you communicate with others, they will get that feeling from you.

The communication power: your words

In many articles you will find this famous research about how words just mean around 7% of the whole communication. In other words, if you speak 20 minutes to one person, he will assimilate only 1 min and a half approximately.

However, thinking of your own experience, how much a few words were able to change your whole life. Just remember:

• That phrase said by a forgotten teacher that made you chose your present career.
• An expression you heard whilst commuting to your work that made you decide on your spiritual life.
• A word spoken by a good friend that gave you back enthusiasm and energy.
• And, well, the many words you have heard that made you think twice before doing something that you knew it was good - words are that powerful...

So, when we communicate with others, we should check about the words we use - and now that many communicate mostly via written text that is much more important. Take this in account:

• Before writing or speaking anything, go into the depth of yourself and reflect or contemplate on it. Feel your own self and your energy as that is what you are going to give others.
• Look for meaningful words, not necessarily complicated expressions, but something that gives others a sense of understanding.
• During your speech or when you are writing something, check and recheck your words. Try to fit into the ears or eyes of others and think how they will act or react to that.
• Don't "unsay" something; if you do say something wrong, just move on and let your heart teaches you on how to go over it.
• After speaking anything, pack it up! Don't keep those words in your heart or mind; just let them go out of you.

By doing so, you will be experiencing more than communication, you will experience its power changing and shaping reality.

The communication power

Who was your favorite super-hero? I am sure you have had one, maybe two or more. Did you know these images were in fact related to yourself? Yes, you were and you are that super-hero...

At least, that was your expectation when you are a child or teenager. Growing up, it is possible you put that aside - like The Incredibles did - and decided to live a normal life. But I am sure very internally you would love that super-power, isn't it right?

I have talked about many powers in this blog and in others works I have done. As a person who felt very much powerless for a big part of my life, to realize my inner powers was and still is fascinating and, well, empowering.

There is one power I did not talk about and in fact, it just occurred to me short time ago: communication power. I am not thinking about those courses given by very-white-full-of-teeth facilitators, but about the power to express what is going on inside you.

It is powerful if you are able to find the right words to say to a person; that word can make his or her life as bright as the sun. Maybe to communicate by smiling, encouraging others to enjoy your happiness too.

Communication is a vast topic. For now, I just would like you to reflect on how your hands give your feelings away, how your thoughts are perceived by other people who react to them. By changing your way of communicating, you change your environment too.