Effects of a Modern Life: Exhaustion

 

I do feel people are too tired… Don’t you think so?

Perhaps the problem is related to health and so the person should go to a doctor and check upon this. Or, maybe the problem is not the lack of rest, but the kind of rest we choose.

While trying to relax, I see friends endlessly scrolling on their phones, watching one episode after another, jumping from one video to the next, trying to “disconnect” from their source of stress and to feel good. And yet… they are exhausted.

It’s a strange paradox of modern life. We have more entertainment than any generation before us. More comfort, more technology, more “free time” and more possibilities to make our lives easier. And still, many of us wake up tired, go to bed exhausted and live drained of energy.

We are confusing distraction with restoration, boredom with silence, doing nothing with slowing down, and this is why, we keep feeding the mind with noise.

Another invisible factor is the pressure to always be “on”. We have reached a level in terms of society that many people feel obliged to be productive or available, 24/7. We jump every time a notification beeps, vibrates or screams…

Relaxation is competing with that sense of success we have created and cultivated along many years. We HAVE TO BE BUSY, we HAVE TO WORK LONG HOURS, we HAVE TO SEND OUR CHILDREN TO THE BEST COLLEGES, and so on… Look, this is not bad, but partial success does not work well. Imagine you have a fruit, a whole fruit, but you eat just half of it and you miss the best part. Success is not only achievements and attainments, it is also that incredible sensation of victory, an elated stage in our minds and an eternal smile…

The third thing that is making us more and more tired is virtual-based relationships. I do remember at the end of every year, I used to call EVERYONE in my cell phone; now, with more than 1,000 numbers in my phone, I would have to start wishing everyone a “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” from January!

And let’s not talk about the endless number of photos and videos, audios and things that, in the past, meant there was a meaningful relationship, and now it just occupies space in the cell phone memory. A virtual-based relationship makes us tired instead of enriching each other.

Real rest is not an escape. It means stillness and it is conscious, rather than just trying to forget. It is not travelling, but deepening. It is not scrolling eternally in your phone, looking for something; instead, take whatever is there in front of you and make it a beautiful entertainment moment.

It may be uncomfortable at first as it requires us to face silence and be alone with our thoughts. Real rest comes from a powerful reflection on what we have been avoiding and stopping us to escape from our reality.

Yes, meditation and a change of lifestyle will help. Definitely, power naps and a sound sleep will work wonders.

My suggestion here is that you start from your awareness, letting go other ways of resting that ends to make us even more tired and embracing new possibilities. You will see the results I am sure of that.

A safe space for you

A friend of mine insists that what everyone really needs is a safe space… A place in which there is no danger or threat, with a feeling of being accepted, no matter what or who we are.

Is that even possible? Yes, it is… At least I think so…

Here are the essentials for you to build a safe space:

·       A good positive attitude, that is the most important thing you will need.

·       People who are good to you, who care about you and you care about them.

·       People who… well, not necessarily care about you, but you need them and you can have a dialogue with them.

·       A nice space… It is personal, but you can add some art, music, lots of nature, light…

·       Meditate in this space regularly, so that you create a whole new atmosphere.

·       Don’t talk about this space to other people… keep it as a beautiful secret.

·       Don’t keep things that disturb you, even though they may be necessary.

·       If there are things you need, but they upset you, take them when it is necessary and take them out after that.

·       If you can’t have a proper physical place, even a beautiful park can work…

By creating and sustaining a safe space, benefit will come not only for you, but for many others too. 

Why do good things happen to bad people?

 I remember a yoga teacher giving a very powerful class, one of those meant to shake people out of the slumber of their minds. At some point, she said something that stayed with me: many very “bad” people end their lives in comfort, surrounded by success and security.

Her point was simple, but uncomfortable. We shouldn’t assume that doing good automatically guarantees good outcomes. And we shouldn’t expect that people who act badly will always be punished, an idea that belongs more to old movies than to real life. Reality is messier. And there are several reasons for that.

One of them is human complexity. One of the worst people I knew growing up - a real bully - is now a respected judge in a small town. Who would have imagined that? Maybe parts of that old behavior still exist somewhere inside him. But for his family, friends and community, he is seen as a good, honorable person.

The truth is uncomfortable: a “bad” person for you or me can be an “excellent” person for someone else, or at another stage of life.

Almost everyone, at some point, has asked this question: why do people who lie, manipulate or act selfishly sometimes seem to prosper - financially, socially or professionally - while others who try to live with integrity struggle? It can feel unfair, confusing, even discouraging, and I talked about it in a former post.

That is another reason: life does not operate on immediate moral accounting and results are not always synchronized with behavior. Someone may be highly skilled, confident or intelligent, and those qualities can bring external success regardless of inner values. In the short term, this type of efficiency can easily be mistaken for virtue.

A third reason is that there is also the illusion created by appearances. What we usually call “good things” are often external achievements: money, recognition, power, comfort. But outer success does not guarantee inner peace. Many people who look like they are “winning” are quietly dealing with anxiety, emptiness and broken relationships. We rarely see that part of the story.

At last, from a karmic perspective, the picture becomes wider. A person may be acting poorly now and still enjoying the fruits of positive actions from the past. Karma does not work like instant messaging; it works more like agriculture.

Imagine this: you planted broccoli seeds last week, but you also have an old mango tree in your garden. For a while, you will enjoy sweet mangoes. But don’t worry… the bitter broccoli is coming to you... A person who is enjoy a good life, maybe it is just a question of a stock of mangoes and their broccoli is not ready yet to be consumed.

But, in another tone, looking carefully, lasting fulfillment rarely belongs to those who harm others. Temporary gains fade and not wanting to sound cliché, but inner qualities - honesty, compassion, stability - create a kind of wealth that cannot be taken away.

So perhaps the better question is not why good things happen to “bad” people… but what kind of good we are talking about.

External success is loud and visible, while inner success is quiet and deep.

And in the end, life does not reward appearances; it responds to conscious acts, words and thoughts.
Sooner or later, what is planted within, mango or broccoli, is what grows.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

 

When I was a child, I often wondered why bad things seem to happen to people who are good. Over the years, I have been fortunate to meet many genuinely kind and decent individuals. And yet, unfortunately, I have also seen how fate has been unkind to some of them.

It is never easy to accept that someone who helps others, builds healthy families or work environments, and contributes positively to the community has to go through tragedy or deep loss. It feels unfair. Almost contradictory.

From my experience, this question can be looked at from three different perspectives.

First, it may simply be a matter of human perception. In reality, difficult events do not “choose” good or bad people. They just happen. Being a good person does not guarantee a life free of problems, just as being a bad person does not automatically attract only suffering.

Second, I have noticed that some good people are sometimes too good for their own good. They trust too easily, accept what others say without questioning, open their doors assuming everyone thinks and feels the same way, or step into risky situations relying only on prayer, without enough awareness or protection. This does not explain everything, of course, but it does offer part of the answer.

Third, there is the law of karma. What happens to us is not limited to this single lifetime. Someone may have created many positive karmic accounts in this life, but what about previous ones? Karma moves across births. A good present life does not necessarily mean the past was the same. In that sense, today’s goodness may be planting the seeds for a brighter future - even if challenges still appear now.

There is one important point to be added: altruism and selflessness. I have lived in community for almost forty years, and the spirit of service has deeply shaped my life. The inner feeling it creates is powerful and difficult to describe. Yet I am also aware that serving others does not guarantee that problems will never come.

In the spiritual classes I read daily, there is a beautiful idea: we should feel free from obstacles, knowing that obstacles will still come. This means that when service is truly altruistic, there is an inner sense of protection - like finding shelter during a hurricane. The storm may continue outside, but inside there is stability.

And if we look at history, with a few exceptions, many good people who went through difficult times eventually ended up well - at least in their hearts. This is visible in their legacy, their influence and even in the lives of those who came after them.

In other words, bad things may happen to good people, but at least their qualities become their shelter in the worst moments.

Healing the self by recovering balance

 

In the previous post, we explored the idea of a “negative balance” - the way body, mind and soul try to compensate when life goes out of alignment. Even though the system keeps working, it often does so at a cost: pain, stress, emptiness or disconnection. A “negative balance” allows us to function, but not in harmony. So, the natural question arises: how do we move from compensation to true balance?

 

How do we fix this? How do we move toward a real balance?

Real balance is not achieved by fixing only one area of life. It is not just a question of changing our diet, starting to meditate or resting more.

Balance is a dynamic relationship between opposites:

·                 Pragmatism and spirituality.

·                 Action and reflection.

·                 Body and soul.

·                 Money and disinterest.

·                 Nature and civilization.

·                 Leisure and inner silence.

·                 And many more…

When one side dominates, the other tries to compensate. And this is why a negative balance appears, disguised as stability or a “normal life”.

It is important to remember something simple and powerful: balance is not something we achieve once and forever. It is a cycle in which we get it, we lose it and we rebuild it again… and possibly, we will lose it and rebuild…

Think of walking: one foot leaves the floor and goes higher than the other - at that moment, there is disbalance; then, that foot reaches the floor, slightly ahead the other one, not because of a competition between feet, but to regain balance. And there it is, the other foot, ready to rise up… Each time we walk, we have learnt a bit more until we master it.

Each cycle teaches us something deeper about ourselves in terms of our limits, our attitude, our priorities, our awareness…

For me it is helpful to check myself, through questions. For instance, in relation to my work, I could ask: “Am I productive?” But I ask instead: “Can I keep doing this for a long term?” “How healthy is this work?” “Is this aligned with who I really am, with my purpose and vision?”

Living in balance does not mean avoiding effort, challenges or discomfort; it means choosing harmony instead of constant compensation, becoming aware when we are forcing ourselves to adapt to unhealthy rhythms.

Instead of falling into the easy and “natural” negative balance, we must pause and ask ourselves: “In which part of the cycle am I right now?” “Am I rebuilding, compensating, avoiding or healing?” “Am I really balanced?”

And maybe the most important question is:

What kind of balance am I living today - a healthy one, a negative one that I have learned to normalize, or am I healing and rebalancing myself?

When we experience balance, but it is negative

 

I have lost my balance so many times that I lost count.

In terms of health, I still remember living for years with a deep headache. It was not occasional. It was not “from time to time”. It was all the time. For years.

Balance is part of our nature. So much so that when we lose it, we try - consciously or unconsciously - to create another form of balance, sometimes an unhealthy one. It is what I call a negative balance: an adjustment that keeps us functioning, but at a cost.

Later, a doctor helped me understand what was happening. My body was compensating for an internal imbalance. It had created its own “solution”, one which was painful. That moment brought a deep realization: in human life, balance is not always immediate. When we lose it, we may take years to rebuild it. This is why, the negative balance comes in, as a way to compensate, until - and if - we recover the normal positive powerful balance we lost.

But, beyond myself, when I look around today, I feel many people are living in this same kind of negative balance, lives increasingly out of sync with natural rhythms, body, mind and soul.

Let’s look at how this works more closely:

• The body. We move less. We eat food that nourishes less. And then sickness appears - not as punishment, but as a messenger, a signal that something is out of alignment. The body is constantly trying to bring us back to equilibrium. When we ignore those signals, the compensation becomes heavier, more painful and more persistent.
• The mind. Overthinking, anxiety, endless worries... These are no longer exceptions - they are becoming the norm. The mind tries to compensate for inner emptiness or lack of direction by producing constant activity. Thoughts replace silence and noise replaces clarity. For a moment, this gives the illusion of control or purpose. But deep inside, it only creates more exhaustion. Another form of negative balance.
• The soul. In the past, people practiced their religion. Then many only spoke about it. Now, for many, even truth itself has become blurred. The soul needs silence, meaning, connection and that inner fire from those times. Without nourishment, the soul looks for substitutes: constant distraction, external validation and an endless consumption of information.

A negative balance makes the system to work, but not in harmony. How to fix that? A topic for the next post…

To let go of control, self-control is the solution

Control feels like safety. When you are in control of your job, your family, your life or anything really, it is like you can do whatever you want.

So, letting go of control sounds almost irresponsible as it gives structure, predictability and the comforting illusion that, if we manage everything carefully enough, nothing will fall apart. And yet, life has a subtle way of reminding us that control, when taken too far, becomes tension.

Much of the pressure does not come from what happens, but from the constant effort to make things happen our way: to control outcomes, people, timing, emotions - even ourselves. This kind of control narrows our perception of life and it demands constant vigilance, leaving little room for luck or fate.

Letting go of control does not mean giving up. It does not mean passivity, indifference or lack of responsibility. It means recognizing the limits of external control and shifting attention inward.

This is the point when self-control quietly enters as the real solution.

Self-control is not about suppression or rigidity as many would think. It is the ability to choose a response instead of reacting automatically. It is the strength to pause, to observe what is happening inside and to act from clarity rather than impulse. When self-control is present, there is no need to control others or circumstances.

Ironically, the more self-control grows, the less external control is required and that takes us to a situation in which emotions are acknowledged before being unleashed, saving many relationships in the process. Self-control helps us to face situations without the hunger to dominate them.

Letting go of control, then, is not a loss of power, but its refinement. Power moves from the outside to the inside, from force to awareness, from fear to steadiness, from shouting to a deep resilience.

Next time you feel being in control is making you stressed, just go deeply within, meditate, contemplate or just reflect for a few moments. Feel the control you have on yourself. Let go of the control in the world.

And then, act.